Green Light

Okay, so I had my post-op appointment today, and the dr has given T and I the green light to start back ttc! YIPPPPPPEEEEE! I am so excited! I do not ovulate until the 1st week of March, so we have a few weeks before we go back to the marathon bedding (hee hee). But, it has been about three weeks since we bd, so we are both oh so ready. The dr said the polyp is completely gone, and it was not cancerous! Thank God! He also said he is sure this is why I had not gotten preg yet. He said he is sure it will happen within the next few months for us! YEAH! The thingamajig in my uterine wall is not a cyst, but some fatty tissue. Dr does not know the cause, but said it is not a problem and definitely should not stop us from conceiving or carrying a baby to full term! Today is a great day! I was beginning to hate going to my obgyn b/c the last few times, I left out with bad news. However, today they have redeemed themselves! SO, we are officially on the road again, and I know I will have that BFP really soon!

Let It Go...

This is what I keep telling myself, but the irritation/anger/sadness/frustration still lingers. I love what I do (I am an elementary school counselor), but I HATE the environment I work in. This is so mainly because of my administration. I could go on and on about the many reasons why I hate it, but today the top reason is they are a bunch of nosey ladies with nothing much to do but talk about, and wish for the worse for others (my opinion). So, DH and I have been ttc for 10 months, and I told everyone when we first started trying (something I am kicking myself for now, as I am so tired of everyone asking me questions about it). Well, I recently had to have surgery to have a uterine polyp removed, which is probably the reason why I have not conceived yet. They all knew I had surgery (there is a group of like 5 women), but they do not not what type of surgery or the reason, etc. I only told my direct boss I was having surgery, but somehow all of them found out. No one came to ask how I was doing, as most people who are genuinely concerned do. No, instead they have been trying to figure out what type of surgery I had. Then, today, my AP calls me and says, "I haven't seen you in a while. Where have you been?", as if she did not already know I was out for surgery. After I told her I was out for surgery, she asked, "what for?", then proceeded to say, "I am just being nosey. What are you trying to get pregnant?". The nerve of her! I was furious! I would feel differently if I felt like her questions were of genuine concern. But, I know they are not. I know she just wanted this information to pass on to their little clique. What type of people get satisfaction from learning of other people's trials and pain? GRRRRRRRRRR. I do not think they are wishing I do not get pregnant, I just feel they get some type of satisfaction in knowing it is taking me so long, and that it has been a struggle for me. This makes me so sad, as well as very angry! I am trying to let it go, and I am sure I will shortly. However, for now, I am MAD! I am mad at all ot them. I am irritated that I have to work in this type of environment. I am frustrated that this journey has taken so long. I am annoyed that everyone seems to be getting pregnant but me. I am ashamed because I feel like I am a failure to womanhood. Today is a not so good ttc day. I know this will pass, but for today.....this is where I am!

Little Things

Who would have ever thought the sight of eggwhite cm would excite me! I thank God for the little things that bring me joy, and today that little thing is eggwhite cm! I have had it during the latter months of our ttc journey, but usually I have taken Evening Primose Oil to help it along. Well, I haven't taken anything as I am healing from surgery. I am still spotting a little also. However, every time I wipe, I have loads of ewcm! YIPPPPEEEEE!!!!! I guess I am excited because it is a reminder of my fertility! That is such a wonderful thing. I thought the surgery would interfere with my body's normal ovulation cycle, but so far, everything is still happening as it has for the last 9 months. So, I should ovulate in a few days. I have been temping just to see if I will in fact ovulate. We are out for this cycle though because we can't bd until after I have my post-op appointment and I will have ovulated by then. So, we will be back at it in March. I just pray my body stays on the same cycle and doesn't get all screwed up from the surgery. I really feel like March will be our month! I am so grateful for the little things in life!

Polyp Free!

I am so happy that my uterus is polyp free! YEAH! The surgery went well. I woke up the morning of surgery with an excruciating sinus headache! Oh my goodness! I could not take anything for it, so I just had to suffer. So really, I could not focus on any anxiety regarding the surgery because all of my strength was drained from the headache. Maybe that was a good thing.

Tony and I arrived at the hospital around 10:40. My mom was there waiting for us. They called me to the back roughly 15 minutes later. I changed into the surgery garb, which included a metallic looking shower cap. I know I looked completely ridiculous, but that was the last thing on my mind. It seemed like I was in the little room for such a long time waiting for a nurse or someone to come. I started to think they had forgotten about me, and I probably would have called someone if it weren't for my head throbbing so intensely. I just kept rubbing my head and praying for the pain to go away. The nurse and anesthesiologist finally came and explained a few things to me, which I can not remember because I was so focused on my headache and wondering when they were going to let my husband and mom come back with me. The nurse hooked the IV up and typed a few things into the computer, then she called my family back. Oh, she also dimmed the lights and gave me some pain medication, which helped the headache tremendously. I talked to my family for a while, and then the OR nurses came for me. So, I kissed my family goodbye, the nurse gave me some meds in my IV and they rolled me off.

I remember being rolled down the hall and a nurse said "sweet dreams" to me. I remember entering the OR and having the nurses put a blanket over me. I remember them putting a gas mask on my face, and then I was out like a light. The next thing I remember was awaking to my doctor calling my name repeatedly. As soon as I opened my eyes, I felt excruciating pain.....all I could say was, "CRAMPS.....CRAMPS.....CRAMPS", and then tears started rolling down my cheeks. It was hurting so badly. Oh my goodness. The doctor and nurse asked me not to cry and said they would give me more medicine, which they did because the pain subsided after a few minutes. I kept drifting in and out for what seemed like only a few moments, but I was told it was roughly an hour. Then, they took me to Phase II of the recovery, where I was given graham crackers and ginger ale. I tell you, I was soooooo hungry those crackers tasted like steak and potatoes. Seriously, they were the best graham crackers I have ever had! They gave me some more pain meds, and my doctor came and told me the poly was gone! She said the surgery was a success and it was all over! HOOOORRRRAAAAAYYYYY!!!

I came home and I have been in a fog for the past few days, which is why I am just updating my blog. The effects of the anesthesia, along with the Tylenol with codeine that I have been taking for the pain has caused me to feel dizzy, nauseous, and just "not there" completely, so I have been out of work since my surgery. I will return on Monday. I have pretty much been sleeping the entire time. My honey stayed home with me also. He is such a wonderful husband. I would not trade him for anything in this world! I am starting to feel better, although I do not feel 100% like myself yet. I am just happy that this part of the journey is over. Now, I am looking forward to the next phase....my big fat positive pregnancy test! I am so excited, I can hardly stand it!

Big Day

Tomorrow is the big day for my hysteroscopy d&c! I have to admit that I am a bit nervous. I have never had any type of surgery before. I absolutely hate hospitals...I don't like the smell, nor do I like the feeling I get when I am there. I am not scared, just a little nervous. I know it will be ok though, and I know everything will go well. I am a bit excited at the thought of having this polyp removed, as it will get me that much closer to conceiving my baby. Also, I am excited that the removal of the polyp will prayerfully cause af to stop being so painful. I was told that I have a small fibroid, but the doctor said she is not worried about that because it is small. That will not be removed tomorrow, so I am hoping that is not the cause of those terrible af cramps! I HATE af! For one, every time I see her it reminds me that I am not pregnant. And as if that was not enough, she kicks my butt so bad! I have been told that af gets better after having a child. I hope so!

Another One!!!

Just like I wrote yesterday...This is so the season for BFPs. As I sat in my office today, a teacher came in and told me she is pregnant! I am so happy for her. She and her dh have been trying for a long time too. Actually, they have been trying for a lot longer than T and I. She had IVF last year and conceived, but had a miscarriage. In fact, I think she has had a few miscarriages, so I am soooooooo excited for her! She was told that her tubes are blocked and was actually scheduled for surgery to repair the tubes in Feb, but she is pregnant now! I am sooooooo excited! God is good! I pray that she has a healthy pregnancy, delivery and baby. It is raining bfps!

On another note, I have my pre-op appointment today. I had blood drawn, completed my paperwork, and pre-registered at the hospital. I am all set to go for the 27th! I was not excited about being told that I could have bleeding or spotting for up to 3 weeks, and that it could take a month for my cycle to regulate. That is ok though because I know our bfp will come shortly after that. I am expecting to conceive in March! I am also hoping the removal of this polyp will also help my cramping during af. The only bad thing is that af is coming in a day or so and I can't take ibuprofen, which seems to be the only thing to give me great relief! I'll have to get extra strength Tylenol and pray that works. I am praying af will take it easy on me this month, after all, I have to have surgery next Tuesday! Give a girl a break please!

Tis the Season...

to have a baby! Oh my goodness, it seems like BFPs are happening all over the place. I am a firm believer that there is a time and season for everything, and I really do think that this is the season for those of us who have been ttc for a while to receive our miracles! Let's see, a few weeks ago my friend H received her news after 9 months of trying. Then there are the two ladies at work. Then there are tons on my ttc website. Then last week I went to the dentist and somehow ended up having this detailed conversation with my dental hygienist about ttc. She said she and her dh had been trying to conceive for roughly 1.5 years. She said she has had certain procedures, and was now on clomid, ect. When I left the office, we both said we would be way pregnant when we saw each other again. Well I went to the dentist for a filling today and was told that she is indeed expecting! OMG!!!! She wasn't in today because she wasn't feeling well, but my DA told me. I was so happy, I shed a few tears in the dental chair! I felt like such a goofball, but I could not help it. Only those who have been on this journey can fully understand all of the emotions that come along for the ride. I am so overjoyed for her! It is funny how this journey can cause you to bond so closely with complete strangers! I really do believe that this is the season for BFPs.....the season for miracles!