Polyp Free!

I am so happy that my uterus is polyp free! YEAH! The surgery went well. I woke up the morning of surgery with an excruciating sinus headache! Oh my goodness! I could not take anything for it, so I just had to suffer. So really, I could not focus on any anxiety regarding the surgery because all of my strength was drained from the headache. Maybe that was a good thing.

Tony and I arrived at the hospital around 10:40. My mom was there waiting for us. They called me to the back roughly 15 minutes later. I changed into the surgery garb, which included a metallic looking shower cap. I know I looked completely ridiculous, but that was the last thing on my mind. It seemed like I was in the little room for such a long time waiting for a nurse or someone to come. I started to think they had forgotten about me, and I probably would have called someone if it weren't for my head throbbing so intensely. I just kept rubbing my head and praying for the pain to go away. The nurse and anesthesiologist finally came and explained a few things to me, which I can not remember because I was so focused on my headache and wondering when they were going to let my husband and mom come back with me. The nurse hooked the IV up and typed a few things into the computer, then she called my family back. Oh, she also dimmed the lights and gave me some pain medication, which helped the headache tremendously. I talked to my family for a while, and then the OR nurses came for me. So, I kissed my family goodbye, the nurse gave me some meds in my IV and they rolled me off.

I remember being rolled down the hall and a nurse said "sweet dreams" to me. I remember entering the OR and having the nurses put a blanket over me. I remember them putting a gas mask on my face, and then I was out like a light. The next thing I remember was awaking to my doctor calling my name repeatedly. As soon as I opened my eyes, I felt excruciating pain.....all I could say was, "CRAMPS.....CRAMPS.....CRAMPS", and then tears started rolling down my cheeks. It was hurting so badly. Oh my goodness. The doctor and nurse asked me not to cry and said they would give me more medicine, which they did because the pain subsided after a few minutes. I kept drifting in and out for what seemed like only a few moments, but I was told it was roughly an hour. Then, they took me to Phase II of the recovery, where I was given graham crackers and ginger ale. I tell you, I was soooooo hungry those crackers tasted like steak and potatoes. Seriously, they were the best graham crackers I have ever had! They gave me some more pain meds, and my doctor came and told me the poly was gone! She said the surgery was a success and it was all over! HOOOORRRRAAAAAYYYYY!!!

I came home and I have been in a fog for the past few days, which is why I am just updating my blog. The effects of the anesthesia, along with the Tylenol with codeine that I have been taking for the pain has caused me to feel dizzy, nauseous, and just "not there" completely, so I have been out of work since my surgery. I will return on Monday. I have pretty much been sleeping the entire time. My honey stayed home with me also. He is such a wonderful husband. I would not trade him for anything in this world! I am starting to feel better, although I do not feel 100% like myself yet. I am just happy that this part of the journey is over. Now, I am looking forward to the next phase....my big fat positive pregnancy test! I am so excited, I can hardly stand it!

Big Day

Tomorrow is the big day for my hysteroscopy d&c! I have to admit that I am a bit nervous. I have never had any type of surgery before. I absolutely hate hospitals...I don't like the smell, nor do I like the feeling I get when I am there. I am not scared, just a little nervous. I know it will be ok though, and I know everything will go well. I am a bit excited at the thought of having this polyp removed, as it will get me that much closer to conceiving my baby. Also, I am excited that the removal of the polyp will prayerfully cause af to stop being so painful. I was told that I have a small fibroid, but the doctor said she is not worried about that because it is small. That will not be removed tomorrow, so I am hoping that is not the cause of those terrible af cramps! I HATE af! For one, every time I see her it reminds me that I am not pregnant. And as if that was not enough, she kicks my butt so bad! I have been told that af gets better after having a child. I hope so!

Another One!!!

Just like I wrote yesterday...This is so the season for BFPs. As I sat in my office today, a teacher came in and told me she is pregnant! I am so happy for her. She and her dh have been trying for a long time too. Actually, they have been trying for a lot longer than T and I. She had IVF last year and conceived, but had a miscarriage. In fact, I think she has had a few miscarriages, so I am soooooooo excited for her! She was told that her tubes are blocked and was actually scheduled for surgery to repair the tubes in Feb, but she is pregnant now! I am sooooooo excited! God is good! I pray that she has a healthy pregnancy, delivery and baby. It is raining bfps!

On another note, I have my pre-op appointment today. I had blood drawn, completed my paperwork, and pre-registered at the hospital. I am all set to go for the 27th! I was not excited about being told that I could have bleeding or spotting for up to 3 weeks, and that it could take a month for my cycle to regulate. That is ok though because I know our bfp will come shortly after that. I am expecting to conceive in March! I am also hoping the removal of this polyp will also help my cramping during af. The only bad thing is that af is coming in a day or so and I can't take ibuprofen, which seems to be the only thing to give me great relief! I'll have to get extra strength Tylenol and pray that works. I am praying af will take it easy on me this month, after all, I have to have surgery next Tuesday! Give a girl a break please!

Tis the Season...

to have a baby! Oh my goodness, it seems like BFPs are happening all over the place. I am a firm believer that there is a time and season for everything, and I really do think that this is the season for those of us who have been ttc for a while to receive our miracles! Let's see, a few weeks ago my friend H received her news after 9 months of trying. Then there are the two ladies at work. Then there are tons on my ttc website. Then last week I went to the dentist and somehow ended up having this detailed conversation with my dental hygienist about ttc. She said she and her dh had been trying to conceive for roughly 1.5 years. She said she has had certain procedures, and was now on clomid, ect. When I left the office, we both said we would be way pregnant when we saw each other again. Well I went to the dentist for a filling today and was told that she is indeed expecting! OMG!!!! She wasn't in today because she wasn't feeling well, but my DA told me. I was so happy, I shed a few tears in the dental chair! I felt like such a goofball, but I could not help it. Only those who have been on this journey can fully understand all of the emotions that come along for the ride. I am so overjoyed for her! It is funny how this journey can cause you to bond so closely with complete strangers! I really do believe that this is the season for BFPs.....the season for miracles!

Mixed Emotions

My emotions are so jumbled right now, and I hate it! Friday I learned that one of my dear friends is pregnant. I have about 4 friends who have been ttc for as long as T and I have, and unfortunately we have all had our share of difficulties on this journey. We are constantly in touch about all of our ttc details, and we have been a great support to one another during this emotional roller coaster ride. I am genuinely happy for my friend. I know how badly she and her dh wanted this, and they so deserve this joy and their precious baby to come. I know they will be out of this world parents too. However, there is a part of me that is sad because I so want this to be me. I have been constantly fighting against this sadness, jealousy, etc. because I realize it steals a bit of the joy I should have for her at this time. This is a part of the ttc that I am still trying to master (genuinely being happy for others who have conceived while T and I continue trying). I am so not a jealous hearted person, so these emotions go against everything that I am, and I hate it! I hate that I can not stand the feeling I get when I see my pregnant colleagues either. Why do I feel this way? I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I know my time will come, so I am really ok with that. I just want to be able to wholeheartedly rejoice with those who receive their miracle before me.

Good News

Today was a day of good news. I knew it would be, as I could feel it in my spirit when I woke up this morning. I had an attitude of praise and continued to thank God for the good news which would come today.

I called my doctor's office about my MRI results and was told that the doctor was still reviewing it (ugggggghhhhh). Why is my emergency not an emergency to them? Don't they know in my mind I am their only patient and it should be all about me (hehe)? Ok, I was being a little impatient, so I prayed and asked God to help me with that. I received a call around 2:00 from the med. asst. telling me that I am scheduled for surgery on 1/27 @ 12:50! Now under normal circumstances, being told you are scheduled for surgery would not be good news. However, I am excited for a few reasons: (1) Moving forward with the surgery means that the cyst (or whatever it is) is not too much of a concern (yippppeeeee). (2) Having this stinking polyp removed means we can get on with our ttc journey and prayerfully reach our destination really soon. I read that uterine polyps can act like IUDs by actually preventing implantation, so having it removed definitely increases our chances of conceiving! The recovery time for the surgery is only 2 days, so I am also excited about that. I am still waiting on a call from the doctor to discuss my MRI results regarding the cyst.

And as if that news wasn't good enough, I found out that one of my good friends is pregnant! Presently I have about 4 friends ttc, many for about as long as T and I have. Well, make that 3 friends now as 1 is presently expecting. I am soooooooo happy for them because she was having a really hard time with many female problems, but look at God! With God all things are possible. At first it was bitter sweet for me because I was really happy for her, while wishing it was me at the same time. But I find comfort in knowing my time will come. What a wonderful day this was!

MRI City

Ok, it has been a few days since I last wrote. I have been trying to wrap my head around all that is taking place presently. I am in good spirits because I know that God is in control, and I know that He has promised me children. At first my emotions were a little out of wack, but after reading scriptures of God's promises to me and listening to my worship music on a continual basis, I am FINE! I also have so many people praying for me, and I have received prayer from a minister at church, as well as T's uncle, who is a minister and Christian counselor.I do believe that all is well and I will soon experience the joys of a positive hpt, carrying my little miracle for nine months, giving birth and loving my little one with all of my heart. Oh how I look forward to the joys of motherhood. I already have so much love in my heart for my unborn children, it is truly amazing. I know I will be a fantastic mom. This is who I am down to my core. This is who I was meant to be!

Ok, now that I have gotten that out...I had a MRI with contrast today and it was not a horrible experience, but it was not one of my most favorite things to do either. I had a MRI years ago for a problem I was having with my back, and I do not remember to closed-in feeling bothering me as much as it did today. Maybe I should have closed my eyes as I was entering the little tunnel. I kept telling myself to close my eyes, but for some reason I just HAD to see. That seeing is what caused me to almost lose it completely! I had to close my eyes and pray for peace, which I did get. Thank you God! So, I was able to endure. I was also able to endure the contrast they put into my arm through an IV. It made my arm cramp like nobody's business, but it is all well worth it for my little joy.

About an hour after the test, I called to give my doctor some information and the receptionist said she had just received my report and had given it to the doctor to review. WOW, that was fast! So of course I started to worry about why it was sent over to the doctor so quickly. Maybe that is standard procedure???!!! I am not sure, I just pray I receive a call very soon. I am ready to get this behind me. Plus I am supposed to have AF in two weeks, so if I have to have surgery, I would really like to have it prior to AF. I don't want to have to wait until after AF because then I would have wasted 2 ttc cycles. We'll see. Hopefully I will hear something tomorrow.

Dreaming?

Wake me! I have got to be dreaming. I had my hsg today. The good news is it wasn't that bad. The most uncomfortable part was the cramping, which was very uncomfortable but certainly not the worse pain I ever had. So I am glad to have this experience behind me. Now onto the not so good news...the polyp is still there and I have to have an outpatient surgery to have it removed. I can live with that, especially if it increases my chance to conceive. I also have a small fibroid, and as if that wasn't enough, I have a "myometrial cyst" in the muscle/wall of my uterus. HUH??? I know, that's what I said. The doctor said she was pretty concerned because she had not seen anything like this before. The entire time the dr was talking to me, I sat there feeling like I was dreaming. What gives? So, I am scheduled to have a MRI on Thursday to make sure the cyst is not cancerous. I am pretty much numb emotionally. Never in a million and one years did I think I would have to go through this to have a baby. I HATE that I have to go through this, but I know it will be well worth it the first time I look into my baby's eyes. I find strength in believing that day is not far off.

HSG

Ok, I am scheduled to have an HSG at 2:00 p.m. tomorrow (1/5). The funny thing is I am kind of excited. Weird, I know. But, a little over a month ago I had a pelvic ultrasound and the doctor told me I have a uterine polyp and cyst. Through all of my research I discovered that the polyp could definitely be the reason why we have not conceived yet. At first I was a little freaked out, but I have since learned that the polyp and cyst are pretty common, and both are easily corrected. So, I am ready to get this show on the road. Another awesome thing is that my insurance will cover the hsg completely, which is really rare. They are covering it because my doctor ordered it as a result of finding the polyp and cyst. So, I get to have a look at everything! Prayerfully all else is fine. I hope my tubes are open. I am really hoping that the cyst and polyp will be gone. If not, I am going to ask them to schedule me for surgery like yesterday! I am ready to have this behind me, so we can get on with our get on, if you know what I mean.

My Destiny

Many people spend their entire lives trying to discover and ultimately reach their destiny. I know what my destiny is. In fact, I feel like I have always known. I know that I am on my way. I am much closer than I have ever been, and I am beyond excited and so very grateful. What is my destiny? MOTHERHOOD. This is the purpose for which I have been created. How do I know? I feel it within every fiber of my being. My destiny is to have life formed on the inside of me. My destiny is to carry this life and nurture it as it grows and becomes ready to enter into this world. When that time comes, my destiny is to bring that life forth into this world. How many times am I to do this? As many times as God will bless me to be able to. I am ready. I am willing. For this is my destiny...this is my purpose.

My name is T, and I have been married to my husband, T, for 2.5 years. I am 33 and T is 40. This is my first marriage, but T has been married before. I have no biological children yet, but T has two from his previous marriage (ages 15 and 12). While in his previous marriage, T got a vasectomy, as he thought he was done having children. However, a divorce and remarriage later :-), we are at a place where we both desperately want children. So roughly 10 months ago, T had his vasectomy reversed. His follow-up appointment and SA revealed that the operation was a success, and we eagerly started trying to conceive a child. At first it was really exciting. I immediately started charting, using opks, etc. Oh, the joys of trying to conceive...

Now it is nine months later, and we are still not pregnant. I never considered the possibility of it taking this long. I know, I did read that most people take a year to conceive and sometimes longer. I know. It is one thing to read it, and a totally different thing when you are the one living it. I was so not prepared for the emotional toll that this journey has taken on both T and I. No one told me about the obsession that takes over your life on this journey. I have started to live my life according to my cycle days. I am constantly reading things on trying to conceive, even though I have promised myself a million times that I will stop. No one told me that I would take stock in hpts, and that I would not be able to hold off on testing until after I miss AF, even though I swear that I will every month. No one told me about the profound sadness that takes over me every time I see a negative hpt or blood from AF starting. No one told me that every unsuccessful month would be an unspoken challenge to my womanhood, even if it is in my own mind. I was so not prepared for this! No one warned me that I would take notice of every pregnant woman when I am out in public. I wasn't prepared for the turmoil I feel when I try to congratulate others on conceiving, while grieving for myself at the same time.

This journey has been very trying, but yet there is still a hope and an excitement within me that I know comes only from God. There is an assurance within me that convinces me that I WILL enter into my destiny, and that it will not be far off. I know that my turn will come, and when it does, I know that I will cherish it...appreciate it...be grateful for it that much more as I know what it feels like to want it so badly and not have it.